The Resolution for Men Page 7
Though God desires that we not be alone in life, and though we need one another in the body of Christ, a grown man should not need his parents or others taking care of him. He should be a fountain, not a drain. He should seek counsel but function autonomously.
God often uses mothers during our childhood, and our wives in marriage, to point out areas where we are not being responsible or stepping into manhood. They can help us with reminders on the front end, but we should never become dependent upon their “mothering.” Like Jesus, the older and more mature a young man gets, the more he will have to pull away from his mother, cut the umbilical cord, and make decisions for himself (Luke 2:48–50; John 2:1–8; Matthew 12:46–50).
So if your mother (or father) is still trying to run your life, you need to lovingly tell them that you are trying to be the man God has called you to be—that they should pray for you but give you (and your wife) the space to make your own decisions. You will never become a responsible man if you allow your parents to control or dominate you during adulthood.
You need your wife’s help. But if she is constantly nagging you, then you should learn to outpace her concerns. When she brings up things, you need to already be on it. “I’ve already taken care of that” should be often flowing from your lips. Anticipate and initiate.
Responsible men are like Christ, who did not let his mother, disciples, or others determine His thoughts, attitudes, or actions. He was completely plugged into the Father, the Holy Spirit, and the Word of God. That’s why He was able to be more like a thermostat, affecting His circumstances, rather than like a thermometer, merely reacting to His surroundings. If it hasn’t already happened, it’s time to cut the cord. Declare—and live—your independence as a man who has taken full responsibility for himself.
5. A Man Can Lead a Family Faithfully
Like the apostle Paul, not all men are called to be married or have children. Singleness can be as much of a “gift from God” as marriage (1 Corinthians 7:7). But as a grown man, Paul was mature and competent enough to marry if he had so chosen (1 Corinthians 9:5). Having the responsibility necessary to start and faithfully lead a family is a clear attribute of manhood.
Manhood does not mean you should marry, but you should be able to. There is nothing wrong with waiting to get married, but many men delay it for decades because they are so immature. Then they begin preparing for marriage after they propose. That’s like starting to train for the Olympics during the opening ceremonies.
If you are a single man, you should already be learning and locking down the character qualities necessary for marriage and parenting in your heart right now. And if you’re already married, it’s time to live them out on a daily, diligent basis.
Furthermore, if you are raising a son, you should be teaching him—by your words and actions—the roles and responsibilities of a husband and father. Show him how to love and provide for a woman, as well as how to train and lead his children. Pursue with him the goal that by the time he reaches twenty, he will already be mature enough to get married if he chooses. Then whenever he does, he will readily assume his position as leader, a man who will protect and provide for his family in every necessary way. He won’t be flying blind or needing you to handle everything for him. He will be a man. Ready to step up to the plate and hit the long ball. And he will join you in considering it his privilege to lead his family well.
6. A Man Recognizes His Accountability
All of life’s privileges, blessings, and freedoms that come with responsibility also come with a counterweight called accountability. Having no accountability always leads to irresponsibility. But Jesus explained that we will each stand before God one day and be held accountable for how we lived. Our actions not only have immediate consequences but eternal ones as well.
“For we will all stand before the judgment seat of God” (Romans 14:10) where He will “judge men’s secrets” (Romans 2:16) and “bring to light the things hidden in the darkness,” disclosing the motives of our hearts (1 Corinthians 4:5), judging the words of our mouths (Matthew 12:36), and testing the deeds we have done (Romans 2:5–8).
The judgment seat of Christ is not a theory designed to motivate us. It is a reality established by God, wired into our consciences, and confirmed throughout His Word.
Everything in a man’s thinking changes when he realizes that he is only one heartbeat away from having to stand before God and give an account for his life. “It is appointed for men to die once,” the Bible says, “but after this the judgment” (Hebrews 9:27 NKJV).
The first thing this awakens in him is a question about his spiritual readiness for that coming day. Are you ready to meet God? If you were to be honest, would you say that you know for certain where you will spend eternity after you die? Most men don’t understand what God requires for someone to be ready. (If you are not certain and would like an explanation of how to have peace with God and find assurance of going to heaven, see appendix 1.)
But if you already have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ and are confident that you will spend eternity with Him, remember that you are still accountable as a man for making the most of the rest of your life. We still must take full responsibility for ourselves, our wives, and our children. We must seek and discover God’s will. We are responsible for obeying the commands of Christ. This is what we will be held accountable for.
And preparing for that day is why we should become accountable to one another. We should surround ourselves with godly men who will help us prepare to be found faithful. Men who have permission to ask us the tough questions, keep tabs on our spiritual condition, and speak the truth into our lives, even when we don’t want to hear it. We need to be reading the Scripture daily, studying it deeply, and obeying it willingly as an ongoing lifestyle. (For help in starting, leading, or participating in a men’s Resolution group, see appendix 5.).
At the end of his days, King Solomon summarized all the lessons and wisdom of his life with this: “Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man. For God will bring every deed into judgment, including every hidden thing, whether it is good or evil” (Ecclesiastes 12:13–14 NIV). Accountability dynamically helps make us into men—humble, wise, responsible, faithful men.
7. A Man Is an Image Bearer of God
After creating the earth, plants, and animals, God (eternally existing as Father, Son, and Holy Spirit) said, “Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness” (Genesis 1:26). He specifically formed man in such a way that He sees His very likeness in us. What an honor and mysterious privilege!
For although men and women are clearly equal before God (Galatians 3:28)—neither of them more valuable to Him than the other—the Scriptures do indicate a difference in the unique way a man bears God’s image and brings Him glory that is a part of his manhood. A man “is the image and glory of God; but the woman is the glory of man” (1 Corinthians 11:7).
According to Genesis 2:23, the word “woman” means “taken out of man.” Because of the way Eve was formed from a part of Adam to become a complementary helpmeet for him, God has given wives an amazing ability to recognize, reveal, and reflect the character of their husbands. As a wife reflects God’s glory and image herself, she does so as one under her husband’s authority. He in turn is not to bring glory to himself—as if he mattered more or had greater intrinsic worth than she does—but to use all his power, authority, and ability to reveal and reflect all glory back to God through his life. Unlike the animals, we uniquely bear our Maker’s image. And therefore, in all our choices, words, and behaviors, we need to represent Him well. This is humbling, but it is also our privileged responsibility!
A Definition of Manhood
These seven principles come together to form a single definition of manhood that we hope will help you (and your sons) live as men to the glory of God in the days ahead.
A man is an adult male Leviticus 27:3
&
nbsp; who accepts his masculinity 1 Corinthians 16:13
speaks and acts with maturity 1 Corinthians 13:11
embraces responsibility Genesis 1:26; 2:15
functions independently Genesis 2:24; Matthew 12:46–50
can lead a family faithfully Genesis 2:24; 1 Timothy 3:4–5
and recognizes his accountability Ecclesiastes 12:13–14
as an image bearer of God Genesis 1:26; 1 Corinthians 11:7–9
These seven attributes need to be developing in every young man during his teenage years. And these are the attributes we should be embracing as grown men, too, for there is eternal significance behind each of them. God wants men to be strong spiritually, mature spiritually, and able to lead and care for others spiritually in the family of God. Living as responsible men on a physical level prepares us to be faithful men on a spiritual level, where it matters most.
So if you haven’t been serious or deliberate about it before, it’s time! Accept your masculinity, being “strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might” (Ephesians 6:10).
Put away childishness, embrace your own responsibilities, and be faithful to everything that is under your care. Seek your parents’ counsel, but don’t think you cannot live without their help and approval. Lead your family with courage, and live every day bearing God’s image and bringing Him honor, knowing you will one day be held accountable before Him. This is not just our call as men of resolution; this is our call as men.
If you’re like most of us, you may feel overwhelmed by a deep sense of inadequacy. But actually, this is right where God wants you. He knows that on our own, none of us has what it takes to be consistently responsible. We will fail miserably without His help. He never compromises the standards, but He calls us to our knees so He can help us live up to them by the power of Christ. We must surrender ourselves to Him and learn to rely daily on His wisdom, strength, and grace. And when we fall short, He offers us truckloads of mercy as we confess it to Him.
By His grace, we don’t have to live in failure. We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us! This is how we live as men. This is how responsibility becomes victory!
How blessed is everyone who fears the Lord, who walks in His ways. When you shall eat of the fruit of your hands, you will be happy and it will be well with you. Your wife shall be like a fruitful vine within your house, your children like olive plants around your table. Behold, for thus shall the man be blessed who fears the Lord. (Psalm 128:1–4)
COURAGEOUS CHALLENGE
Identify and initiate this week at least one important conversation you need to have with your son(s).
MEMORY VERSE
Be on the alert, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. (1 Corinthians 16:13)
As for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.
Joshua 24:15
CHAPTER 5
RESOLVE TO LEAD YOUR FAMILY
I WILL love them, protect them, serve them, and teach them the Word of God as the spiritual leader of my home.
Moses was dead. And the entire nation of Israel was in shock. This holy, powerful sage had led them forty years since their miraculous departure from Egypt. Now he was gone, and a massive group of people was stuck precariously in the wilderness and in desperate need of new leadership.
God turned to Joshua and told him it was now his job to lead.
Imagine how afraid and unprepared he must have felt for this task. No one could be a leader like Moses. Yet in Joshua chapter 1, God laid out a clear leadership path that would set Joshua up for incredible success. He promised him four spiritual resources to help him lead—four resources that are also available to God’s children today in the leadership of our homes.
He gave him God-ordained AUTHORITY to “cross this Jordan, you and all this people, to the land which I am giving to them” (Joshua 1:3).
He gave him God’s WORD to meditate upon “day and night,” to make his way “prosperous” and his every endeavor a “success” (Joshua 1:8).
He gave him God’s PRESENCE as a reliable companion, guide, and shield. “The Lord your God is with you wherever you go” (Joshua 1:9).
He gave him God’s PEOPLE to support and encourage him (Joshua 1:16–18).
And seven times in the midst of his charge to leadership, God encouraged Joshua with the same defining challenge. He repeated the key characteristics that would hold his mantle of leadership together. Again and again Joshua heard: “Be strong and courageous!”
This was his leadership model and code. His rallying cry.
Why did God want Joshua to hear these words so many times? Because He knew that a leader tends to become overwhelmed, afraid, and passive. He knew that strength and courage are fundamental ingredients to becoming the leader a man should be.
Leaders are not leaders because they’re smarter, more talented, or more organized than those around them. Nor because they’re tall or wealthy or more muscular.
Leaders are the ones who take courage. Regardless of what is going on around them, they repeatedly exercise the courage to step up and use their influence to move others in the right direction. People will follow a leader even if he doesn’t have it all together. But they won’t follow a man without courage, because a man without courage won’t lead.
The Devil himself will tell you that you don’t have what it takes to lead your marriage or your family. He will point out your mistakes and failures of the past. He will play up your lack of understanding and your uncertainty about the future. He will highlight your feelings of fear and inadequacy. And he will convince you to take the easy way—to disengage and become passive, to let somebody else handle it this time. And next time.
But leadership is not about expertise or perfection or public opinion; it’s about courage—the courage to trust God, to do the right thing, to stand alone, to maintain forward momentum, not to cave under pressure, to get back up after being knocked down, again and again and again.
Yes, leaders should pray. They should ask questions, seek counsel, and rally support. They should rely on God’s authority, God’s Word, God’s presence, and God’s people. But at the same time, they must repeatedly keep choosing to be strong and take courage, to take responsibility and keep leading.
And that’s what God has called you to do.
Starting at home.
Your Marriage Is Your Responsibility
Do you realize that as the leader of your home, the greater responsibility for the success of your marriage is on you? You are driving. When a marriage falls apart, the wife may be responsible, but the husband is more responsible. And he must take the primary blame for any failure because ultimately he is the leader, and he let it happen under his watch.
Too many men are like Adam after he sinned in the Garden of Eden, blaming their wives instead of taking responsibility.
Very, very rarely will a wife want out of a marriage if her husband is leading her well and loving her unconditionally. Even though some women foolishly tear down their marriages with their own hands (Proverbs 14:1), most problems come from husbands not grabbing the wheel and intentionally steering their marriage with vision, love, wisdom, and direction.
All too often, men simply give up when a marriage turns south, or they disengage and sit around waiting for their wives to get their act together. But that’s not leadership. We are the leaders! We must take courage and always be willing to make the first move, get our own lives in order, then lead our wives by our loving example.
God has put something into men that longs to be courageous. And when a man uses that courage to lead his wife well, she tends to bloom. She respects him more and experiences a greater sense of security. She’ll want to follow his lead, and she will feel safe in doing so. But when a wife lives with a leadership void, she will feel constantly pulled into the position of filling it. As she leads her husband, not only does her respect for him weaken, he tends to cower and become even more passive over time. She can be brilliant and strong, but both of th
em will feel resentment toward each other and less secure together.
Nobody wins. Everybody loses.
The idea of 50/50 leadership is a farce that creates two heads and two people trying to drive at the same time. That’s why we can say that when the Bible establishes men as the leaders of their homes, it is in no way a devaluation of women. Our leadership is intended to bless and honor our wives in the highest possible way. When we do so, it brings them great joy and confidence in who they are and helps them exercise their God-given skills, grace, and beauty with generous freedom. Our wives should have the freedom to influence without having to bear the weight of responsibility and accountability that rests on the shoulders of the leader.
Obviously history is littered with self-centered men who have dominated, belittled, ignored, and abused their wives in the name of male leadership. Patriarchal cultures have been notorious for treating women as second-class citizens. And because men are generally taller, physically stronger, and more aggressive than women, they have often become the bullies on the playground, the tyrants in government—the insensitive egotists in their homes. This is incredibly wrong on multiple levels and has never been God’s will or intent.
Let’s make that clear.
In the world, the strong take advantage of and abuse the weak, using them for their own personal pleasure or advantage at the other’s expense. But in God’s biblical design of leadership, the strong die for the weak. Those in charge lay down their lives for the ones under their care. The leader serves and protects. The more powerful or influential you are, the more humble, servant-hearted, and sacrificial you are to become.