The Resolution for Men Page 5
But as Jesus explained, He is the key to freedom. “If the Son makes you free,” He said, “you will be free indeed.” (John 8:36). Our freedom comes in Christ. Jesus has already paid the penalty and completely broken the power and curse of sin through His death on the cross (Colossians 2:13–15; Galatians 3:13). Through faith in Him, we are invited to experience the “surpassing greatness” of His resurrection power (Ephesians 1:19)—yes, the power God used to raise Jesus from the dead—applying that same kind of cleansing force to our most stubborn, ground-in habits.
The apostle Paul explained that if a man’s faith is in Christ, he is transformed and his entire spiritual status changes. He becomes “dead” to sin and “alive to God” (Romans 6:11). Sin no longer has the right or authority to “reign” over him and make him “obey” its every whim; instead he is free to live as someone “alive from the dead,” using his body for good as an “instrument of righteousness” rather than as a tool of bondage (Romans 6:12–13). But if a man doesn’t realize this, he won’t tend to believe it, receive it, and walk in it.
So when it comes to dealing with sin—even repeated generational sin—true repentance and faith in Jesus Christ is the solution. A man should first repent and place his faith in Jesus Christ alone to find eternal salvation. But then as a new creation and a believer in Christ, he should continue to repent any time he fails so that he can keep walking in daily victory over sin.
Either way, repentance is a gift from God. It means making a permanent U-turn through a change of mind, a change of heart, and ultimately a change of lifestyle. Repentance happens when you get honest with God about the sins you have committed, and then turn your life in opposition to them—turning to Christ instead so that by the “knowledge of the truth,” you can “escape from the snare of the devil” (2 Timothy 2:25–26). Repentance means taking God’s hand, getting up out of the mud, walking away, and knowing you never have to turn back.
The more we discover who God is, the more we will love, fear, and respect Him. This in turn leads us to understand and desire to live in true repentance, which results in long-term change. Too many men only halfheartedly repent of their sin and then blame God for not being set free. They want freedom from guilt rather than intimacy with their Maker. Instead of “divorcing” themselves from sin, they opt for a “temporary separation” . . . until later. They refuse to live in the victory that the grace of Christ freely offers them.
But when a man turns humbly and wholeheartedly to Him for help, the Lord can break the bondage of sin in his life completely. (Romans 6–8 explains this.) God’s love satisfies where sin could not (John 4:13–14; 1 John 2:15–17).
Then the restlessness from guilt and indecision can end because your conscience is clear and your mind made up. It doesn’t mean you won’t still be tempted, but you no longer have to be tormented by it. You will still need to continually rely on God’s Spirit and power each day to walk in this victory. But the power to win is present, and the roller coaster of bondage can stop. Falling becomes abnormal rather than routine. Freedom becomes a daily reality. Isn’t that what we all really want?
So whether the problem starts with sins you learned from your parents or picked up on your own, it’s time to repent. To get real, quit hiding your sin in the dark, and walk in the light. To walk by faith in Jesus Christ and surrender to His lordship. To live in and enjoy the victory He has already won for you on the cross. Shine a spotlight on your sins so they can no longer thrive in your heart, your home, or your family.
Your children, of course, will be born with a sin nature and will also need to place their faith in Christ to walk in freedom. But you don’t have to leave them the stumbling block of their father’s unfaithfulness and defeat. You can break the chain and leave a new legacy of victory in Christ instead!
Breaking the Chains of Nurture
There are chains forged from nature, chains that result from our choices, and then this third type of chain—which tends to fall into three distinct categories:
HURTFUL EXAMPLES
You may have had a great dad whom you deeply respect and admire. But if you are like the majority of men, you have vivid memories of sinful examples and hurtful things your father did and said to you over the years. If someone else had done the same thing, it wouldn’t have been such a big deal. But because it was your dad, it was devastating.
To him, those moments were likely not as poignant—just passing acts of thoughtlessness or anger that came, went, and were quickly forgotten. But to you, they were monumental, defining moments—poisonous darts that struck your heart, leaving you wounded and confused. You have relived those horrific seconds in your mind countless times and can still describe in visceral detail the emotions you felt afterwards.
Or you may have been wounded more by your father’s absence than by his harsh words or abuse. What you can describe is the upsetting void of unmet needs and unanswered questions he left hanging in your life.
But regardless, you have been wronged in some way. All of us have. That’s not the question. The question is whether or not you will allow it to hinder you or help you. Will you let bitterness tie a chain from your parents’ past mistakes to your emotions in the present, limiting your ability to walk in freedom in the future? Because that is what it does. Unforgiveness chains us to the past. Unresolved anger becomes a bitter cancer that poisons hearts. And like all cancers, it must be attacked and eliminated. God wants you to give all of the injustice, hurt, anger, and confusion from your past completely over to Him. To break the chain. To forgive. Not just your dad but anyone who has wronged you.
We know the resistance our hearts feel toward the idea. This seems unfair because those who have hurt you do not deserve your forgiveness. But no one deserves or earns forgiveness; it must be granted. God’s forgiveness of us, for example, is not based upon the fact that we deserve it, but rather upon God’s mercy toward us through Christ’s spiritual “debt payment” on the cross.
And we are to forgive like God forgives (Ephesians 4:32)—completely, fully, and freely. If we don’t forgive, we will constantly allow the past to hinder, hurt, and influence us.
But when we do forgive, it releases the baggage and begins the healing process. It positions you to grow in faith and to become the father you wish you’d had. Unresolved bitterness is sin, and it will distort your own fathering. It will turn you into the very man you don’t want to be. But the freedom of letting it all go will result in renewal instead of more grief and hurt.
As long as you hold on to bitterness, you keep yourself in the judge’s seat, bearing all the responsibility of making sure those who’ve offended you get justice. But by choosing to move forward and forgive, not only do you enjoy the fruits of pleasing the Lord, but you trust Him to be the righteous judge He already is, able to pass perfect judgment on anyone who has wronged you. You let it be His job, not yours. And then you can go on ahead with life . . . without all the headaches associated with bitterness.
Again, don’t hear us saying that forgiveness is an easy thing to do. It is not. It is brave. Courageous. But God can give you the grace today to forgive if you first acknowledge your need to do so, and then pray for the desire and ability to let go of your past hurts. But it doesn’t have to be complicated. You can dig up the hurt right now, acknowledge it was wrong, and from your heart pray, “Lord, I forgive!”—and then experience breakthrough. It’s like taking off the parking brake spiritually. That’s the power of forgiveness. To break this bitter chain!
LIES
Jesus said, “If you continue in My word . . . you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free” (John 8:31–32). And since the truth sets us free, we should recognize that lies keep us in bondage. If you believe the same lies your father believed, you will also be bound by them.
Lies about other races, for example, can lead to racism. Lies about God can lead to rebellion and agnosticism. Lies about our origins as human beings and our moral responsibilities can lead to a lif
e of self-hatred, vanity, or destructive hedonism. Lies can cause us to fear and give up, even when there’s nothing to be afraid of. If a thief can convince you his toy gun is a loaded weapon, you may tremble and surrender when you don’t have to.
But for every angry father who tells his son, “You’ll never amount to anything,” God the Father says, “I love you dearly and have a higher purpose for you life.” For every demeaning name an unwise dad calls his young son, God says, “You are priceless, unique, and special to me.” For every lie that says you need to sin, lust, or feed an addiction to survive or be happy, God says, “I will take care of you, will never leave you, and will meet all your needs” (1 Corinthians 10:13; Philippians 4:19).
Despite every lie you’ve heard, God has a contrasting truth that can liberate you. But the truth doesn’t set you free if you only hear it and mentally understand it. You must embrace and believe it in the depths of who you are. You must reject everything that seeks to contradict it, anything that seems on the surface to disprove it, and anyone’s opinions that lure you away from believing it. If God is your Father, you can count on the Holy Spirit to open your eyes and illumine His truth. He will burn it into your heart as you read the Bible, ingrain it into your thinking, live it out in obedience, and let Him continually keep you aligned with ultimate reality.
So begin asking God to reveal the lies you have believed in the past and help you replace each one with His truth. As you study God’s Word, consider memorizing verses that stand against any lies you have believed. When you discover a lie that’s still influencing your thought processes, cast it out and refuse to let it back in, “taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5). Break their power not only in your own life but in the lives of your children as you pass God’s truth along to them!
WORLDLY TRADITIONS
Family traditions can be a wonderful way to honor the past and bond families together in celebration. But not all traditions are good. Bad family traditions and twisted cultural philosophies can trap you if you’re not careful. The Scripture warns, “See to it that no one takes you captive through philosophy and empty deception, according to the tradition of men, according to the elementary principles of the world, rather than according to Christ” (Colossians 2:8). Just because everyone in your extended family has always believed or done something doesn’t make it right for you. Just because it’s popular in culture doesn’t mean God approves of it or wants you to follow it.
Jesus rebuked some of the people around him by asking them, “Why do you yourselves transgress the commandment of God for the sake of your tradition?” (Matthew 15:3). Some traditions are good, healthy, fun, and conducive to faith-building and lasting memories. Some, on the other hand, are clearly sinful, foolish, and vain. Others add unnecessary burdens to your family.
Some cultural traditions imply that the teenage years should be wasted. Or that it’s permissible to be sexually immoral while single. Or that certain holidays are not officially celebrated unless you overeat and drown yourself in alcohol. Some churches traditionally reject people from other races. Some families traditionally fight about everything. Others expect married children to be more loyal to their parents than to their spouse.
But a man of resolution doesn’t keep a tradition alive merely because it’s always been that way. He doesn’t bow to the status quo or commit things blindly to his calendar without questioning whether it’s right before God and good for his family. He doesn’t follow along passively just because he’s worried what others might think or say.
Chain breakers use Scripture and wisdom to define and filter. They carefully consider which traditions are worth allegiance, discerning which ones honor God and which ones will only tempt and coax them into sinful, wasteful habits.
Many traditions may coincide perfectly with what God’s Word has been encouraging all along. But when they don’t, a chain breaker marshals the courage to chart a different course, leading his children where he believes their heavenly Father wants them to go. Then he launches new traditions to replace bad ones and creates strong momentum for generations to come!
Breaking Chains through Strategic Prayer
Prayer is powerful. It is humbly, honestly, respectfully talking to God. And a chain breaker must learn to become an intercessor—a man who shows his true dependence on God by faithfully fighting battles in prayer, both for himself and his family. When a man intercedes—like many great men of the Bible did (Ezra 9:5–15; Nehemiah 9; Jeremiah 14:19–22)—he stands in the gap where evil and problems are rising up against him, and he prays for God to intervene and show mercy instead. Just as Abraham interceded for Lot (Genesis 18:16–33) and Moses interceded for Israel (Numbers 14:11–19), you must become an intercessor who prays on behalf of your marriage, children, and grandchildren.
One praying man can make a major impact. “The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much” (James 5:16). When young King Josiah read God’s Word for the first time, he realized that he and his nation would suffer because of the sins of their fathers. So he turned to his priest and servants and said to them, “Go, inquire of the LORD for me and the people and all Judah concerning the words of this book that has been found, for great is the wrath of the LORD that burns against us, because our fathers have not listened to the words of this book, to do according to all that is written concerning us” (2 Kings 22:13).
History tells us that Josiah became a mighty chain breaker. He got busy seeking God and removing anything from the kingdom his father had left him that was dishonoring to the Lord. Because of his intercession, God mightily blessed Josiah and also withheld His wrath during Josiah’s reign.
Intercessors break chains. They openly acknowledge sins from the past, then ask God to show mercy to their marriages and children as they realign their purposes with the teachings of His Word. Jeremiah lamented, “Our fathers sinned, and are no more; it is we who have borne their iniquities.” Later he prayed, “Restore us to You, O LORD, that we may be restored; renew our days” (Lamentations 5:7, 21). You, too, can ask God right now to begin the process of “delivering” your family from evil and “restoring” them back to Himself. And God—the ultimate Chain Breaker—will not disappoint any man who comes to Him in faith.
Consistency through Consecration
When chains are broken, it is important to walk in long-term freedom. One thing that helps us do so is the biblical concept of consecration, which means to clean something up and then dedicate it to God. It means cleansing your life and home from any stumbling blocks or evil influences and then presenting yourself and your family into God’s hands.
A man makes a powerful declaration when he says, “God, I dedicate my family and all I have to You. I give you full ownership of my marriage, children, and possessions, and ask You to use us for Your honor!”
As part of your dedication, if there are influences in your home that dishonor God or are pulling you or your family members away from God, you should seriously consider removing them, just as the God-fearing believers in Ephesus did (Acts 19:18–20). Jesus said to remove anything that causes you to sin (Matthew 18:7–9). The writer of Hebrews said to drop any weights that entangle you (Hebrews 12:1–2). Ask God to show you what this may mean for your family. This will set up an ideal environment where His work could take hold and change hearts long-term in the future.
As a father intent on leading your family in the direction of faithfulness to God, you cannot allow entanglements to stand in the way of what God wants to accomplish through you and your new legacy.
In the Old Testament, when King Hezekiah rose to the throne after the death of Ahaz, he repaired God’s temple that his wicked father had defamed and desecrated. He then threw out man-made idols and reestablished the worship of God as the centerpiece of his leadership. He said to the priests, “Consecrate yourselves now, and consecrate the house of the Lord, the God of your fathers, and carry the uncleanness out from the holy place. For our fathers have
been unfaithful and have done evil in the sight of the LORD our God, and have forsaken Him and turned their faces away from the dwelling place of the LORD, and have turned their backs” (2 Chronicles 29:5–6). Hezekiah made a new commitment to God, declaring that his generation would take things in a different direction—God’s direction. Then God’s blessing followed in mighty ways.
We challenge you to begin the process today of dedicating your family to God in your heart and in action. God blesses and uses what is placed in His hands.
For Future Generations
We are very passionate about the implications of this chapter because our father was the chain breaker. He chose not to follow in the footsteps of his father or grandfather who had both wasted years of their lives in alcoholism, immorality, and rebellion against God. Instead our father surrendered his life to Jesus Christ, forgave his father for all the pain he had brought on him, and then allowed the Word of God to teach him how to be a godly husband and father.
He married a wonderful, godly woman and dedicated each of us as his children to the Lord. Because of this, we grew up in a strong, loving home, living in the rewards and blessings that follow a godly man of integrity (Psalm 112). We didn’t stumble upon our dad looking at pornography; instead we found him on his knees interceding on behalf of his family and children. We are so grateful that God’s grace and truth penetrated into our dad’s heart and he responded with faith, courage, and obedience. This has made a huge difference for all three of his sons now and his fifteen grandchildren.
As a chain breaker, you too can turn the calendar page from yesterday to today, building on what’s golden and godly from your past, yet hauling off whatever has cluttered your life with sinful attachments. Then moving forward in your resolve for godly manhood, you must often make some difficult, deliberate decisions: